The following is part-two of a series of personal accounts provided by recovering addicts who have benefited from Uintah County’s Meth-No-More Program.

Shelly (not her real name) knew at the outset she was a meth addict.

“I was hooked from the first time I used,” Shelly said. “I told myself I was only going to try meth once, but the next time - I wanted it again and again.”

After that, Shelly battled addiction for 17 years, saying her “arrest, conviction, and jail time was the most humbling experience of her life.”

As she speaks she twists a Kleenex, wiping her eyes and then, flashing a smiling through her tears.

“I had relapsed on meth and committed a crime,” she said, ending up in the Uintah County Jail.

“I could face my crime, but nothing prepared me for the loss of my children” who were removed from her home by the Utah Division of Child and Family Services (DCFS).

High on methamphetamine and refusing to take a court mandated drug test Shelly knew DCFS would come for her kids.

“When my children were taken I was kinda floating,” Shelly says, adding the loss was devastating. “I’d planned to kill myself and I hadn’t told anyone, but DCFS knew.”

Child and Family team members surmised the danger that Shelly was in and performed a suicide intervention staying with her through the night.

That was more than a year ago, and since then Shelly has been working with Kit Yack, prevention coordinator of Uintah County’s Meth-No-More Program.

“Kit has such beautiful peace,” Shelly says. “I remember thinking, I want what she has.”

Yack laughs, recalling their first meeting, citing her pride in seeing Shelly grow from her ordeal.

“Addicts lose the ability to cope,” Yack says, explaining addicts like Shelly start using drugs to get by in everyday life. “Sobriety can be a little overwhelming.”

Meth-No- More is a walk-in program and at first, Shelly was in Yack’s office two and three times a day just to touch base.

“I wanted to be accountable to Kit,” she says.

Getting clean and relapsing was routine in Shelly’s life, “Every time I was in rehab I believed I wouldn’t use again, but then I’d fail.”

Yack says Shelly is typical of a recovering addict. Together through Meth-No-More they designed a personalized program that allowed Shelly to focus on recovery while re-building her self-esteem.

“In this past year I found the piece that was missing in my life was God,” says Shelly. “I wouldn’t look to him before because I didn’t want to face consequences.”

Shelly says she came to realize the aftermath of her rejection in losing her kids.

“That was the bottom for me,” she said, describing her daily visits the Meth-No-More office as small steps to becoming responsible.

“Being accountable is tough for the addict,” says Yack, explaining that addicts tend to filter everything through their own wants and needs. “As an addict, I’ve said I have the disease of self.”

For Shelly that disease brought her to commit a crime, saying “you do horrible things that you would never think you’d do, but the addiction brings you to it.”

Since then, Shelly has rebuilt her relationship with her parents and has had her kids returned.

“I’ve come full circle,” she says, adding “I’ve gone through so much stuff but now I have hope.”

New found sobriety is precious admits Shelly, who says she wakes up some days fearful of her using dreams.

“If I could, I’d apologize to everyone I’ve hurt everyday,” she says.

Regret for prior behaviors is part of recovery.

So too, is taking responsibility to restructure her life, which has left Shelly with optimism for her future.

Yack says not all recovering addicts are as lucky as Shelly, “felony convictions often make it hard for them to find work or housing. And, some haven’t supportive family to look to.”

Nonetheless, recovery from addiction is possible.

Yacks notes, even if “they feel they’ve burned their bridges, Meth-No-More is in their corner. We want to see families reunited and lives recovered.”

The Meth-No-More is not in and of itself a recovery program. It’s an outreach program where people choose from a variety of active recovery programs to kick drug or alcohol addiction.

Yack says Meth-No-More is there to help the addict manage their options.

Meth-No-More is the brainchild of Uintah County’s Commission, Attorney’s Office, and Sheriff’s Department and is celebrating its first successful year of operation.

They offer referral for addiction to the Northeastern Counseling Center or other rehabilitation centers throughout the State. Kit Yack and the Meth-No-More Program is housed in the Uintah County Building at 152 E. Main, in Vernal, 781-5374.

mbernard@vernal.com